JOKES

Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a sack of groceries?
A: The groceries can feed a family of four.

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass players arm?
A: A tattoo

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but the guitar player has to show him how to do it.

Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: His Amp.

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.

Music Quiz: What's the definition of a Relative Minor?
A: The bass player's girlfriend.

Q: How many country bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Five. One. Five.

Q: What do you call a bass player with charm, personality, and charisma?
A: A guitar player.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was....

Q: What's the difference between a singer and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: How do you put a sparkle in a singer's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.

Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the bulb and one to drink so much the room spins.

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the light bulb and four to stand around and say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done that."

Q: How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb
A: None, sound engineers don't do lights.

Q: How many record producers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; he just holds up the lightbulb and expects the world to revolve around him.

Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a lead guitarist?
A: About three decibels.

Q: What's the difference between God and a lead guitarist?
A: God doesn't think he's a lead guitarist.

Q: What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A: A rock guitarist plays three chords in front of thousands of people. A jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords in front of three people.

Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A bass player.

Q: What do you call a guitar player that can't land a gig?
A: A music critic.

Q: What do you do if you run over a music critic?
A: Back up. Repeat.

Q: What's the difference between a music critic and a sack of shit?
A: The sack.

Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.

Q: What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
A: No one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

Q: What's the difference between an onion and a banjo?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Q: What is the difference between an accordian player and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the sound.

Q: How do you get a three piece horn section to play in tune?
A: Shoot two of them.

Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to harmonica players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

Q: What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and a dead harmonica player in the road?
A: There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.

Q: How do you get musicians to complain?
A: Pay them.

Q: What's the difference between a fiddle and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Music Quiz: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: Throwing a banjo at the pedal steel player.

Q: How can you tell if a drummer is smarter than a horse?
A: If they don't shit in the middle of the parade.

Q: How do you get a drummer off of your porch?
A: Pay him 12 bucks for the pizza.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A: Drool.

Q: What do you say to a drummer in a suit and tie?
A: "Will the defendant please rise?"

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
A: One will mature and make money.

Q: How many drummers does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Eleven -- one to hold the ladder, one to replace it, and nine to say Neil Peart would've done it better.

Q: Why do drummers keep their drumsticks on the dashboards in their cars?
A: So they can park in the handicap zones.

Q: What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: Did you hear about the world's smartest drummer?
A: Neither did I!

Q: What is the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey guys, why don't we play one of my songs?"

Q: What does a drummer use for birth control?
A: His personality.

Q: How many drummers does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None -- they have a machine that does that now.

Q: Why did the punk rock drummer cross the road?
A: He was stapled to the chicken.

Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What has three legs and an asshole?
A: A drum stool.

Trivia: Did you hear about the drummer who lost his pet dog?
He didn't bother to put an ad in the newspaper... he says his dog can't read.

Q: How does a drummer know which way to put on his underwear?
A: Easy! Yellow in front, brown in back...

Q: How do you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

Q: How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking speeds up.

Q: What do you call the guy surrounded by musicians?
A: The drummer.

Trivia: Did you hear about the drummer who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train?

Q: Why don't drummers tell blonde jokes?
A: They don't understand them.

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Hey Kids!

At Redlight Records, music is no joke. Call today to get a serious and sober quote on your next project.